Friday, May 18, 2007

Oh my babies!

I turned into a giant, sappy, weeping, boo-hooing, blubbering thing this morning! (Yeah, ok, Tracy - that's not all that far from normal - I get it! Now hush you, I'm trying to blog!) Anyhoo - so here is how the whole messy thing got started!

Patrick needed to take some Coke to school today for a party, so when I called Mark to ask him to pick it up and he asked how much, I told him to get a 12-pack, because I was feeling extra sweet. That's just how I am. You know how when you get them a 2-liter and they fuss and moan and complain - "Aw, MOM! Why a 2-liter? That's all we get?!" And I thought, let's spoil the boy and his friends, let's get them a 12-pack! So that is what Mark brought home - to a disappointed Patrick! What?! How did I go wrong now? He comes to me and says, "MOM! Why did you tell him to get a box?!" (Funny way for him to put it, huh?) At which point, I explained to him that I did so because I am the sweetest momma ever! He wasn't buying it. The problem was, the child rides the bus to school. Oh yeah! Oops! I told him to ask his father to drop it off in the morning, but, he said he already did, and Mark said no. Rats. Then I realized that he didn't have his trumpet to carry because he left it at school, so he could just substitute the Coke for the trumpet. What a perfect plan! But - he decided to cram that big 'ol box in his backpack! Well, ok, if that works for you - fine.

So see - where this all gets sappy is after the boy leaves for school and I start to ponder aloud why this all was such an issue to begin with. (Hi Tracy!Winking 2) And the thing is, that I am just so used to my taking them to school. Me: "I mean, heck, me - this is that boy's 8th year of going to school and for the first 7 of those, I was driving him to school. Did I just say eight? Oh my gosh!!! It seemed like forever I was waiting for that child to start school, *deep breath* because I was so excited about it and I knew how much fun it would be for both of us - his meeting lots of friends and learning lots of cool stuff, my being Room Mom and doing PTA - *double deep breath* little sack lunches! And now he's finishing up his EIGHTH year of school!!! LISA! Stop it! Get a hold of yourself! No time for breaking down, gotta get two more kids on their bus! Ok, ok, I'm ok. I've got it. I'm cool. Really. No problem." *quiet whimper*

That was PART I of the morning sloppiness. Then I make sure the other two are fed, and ready, and have everything they need, go outside with them to wait for their bus - and they're off! And I come back in to get to work. All's good. Right?

Well, see - Mark went and developed some film yesterday. Yeah, you know - those rolls of film that you leave for say, uh ... five or six years or so! Come on - you know you've done it, too! And he and the kids were looking at them and talking about them last night. I didn't even go in the room, I didn't consciously know why....but, now ....I do.

I have to walk through the dining room repeatedly throughout the day - letting the dog out, letting the dog back in, going to the bathroom, etc. And each time I went through I noticed that Mark has an envelope of pictures on the table with the pictures actually out of the envelope, sitting on top of it. But I avoid looking at them. I can see that it is from an Indian Guide or Indian Princess campout and it therefore has nothing to do with me, anyway - right?

And then - I caved. I walked over and picked them up and began looking. So far - no big deal. Dads sitting around the fire, a lake, trucks in the parking lot - no biggy, I'm cool. And then ... then ... I see it. It's Mark and Sammie - and I can tell it is from her first year - kindergarten. *deep, deep breath* I'm ok, I can look at these - I'm fine, but, oh my God - she's so cute! (Aw crap, now I'm crying just typing this shit out!) Anyway, I look at one or two more pics, and then I just have to put them up and not look at anymore! The girl is about to be in FIFTH GRADE! WTF???? I know, I shouldn't say WTF in reference to my children, but, I just can't help it!

I go back in the kitchen, attempt to dry my self up, and just get some more coffee and just get back to work. But I. can't. stop. crying. I. just. can't.

I know we all go through this, every mother that's ever lived on this planet - feels this all through her child's life. I know it. And it's funny because the mothers with older children (well, I'm this way, you might want to admit you are, too) - when they hear mothers of younger children go through it, have no sympathy for them, whatsoever. I think I was reading a blog or a message board recently, where a mom was so shocked and feeling sappy because her child was two - TWO! 'Shoot! That ain't nothin'!' ...I'm thinking. But then, I'm talking to some moms with older children - one of whom her first child is leaving home for the first time, and one of whom two of hers have already left. And I know, in response to me, they'd go, "Shoot! That ain't nothin'!" You don't - Ok, I don't remember - that those younger milestones were just as bittersweet.

I tell ya one milestone that I will always know the pain of, which makes no sense, as I was so looking forward to it - the first child going to kindergarten. Especially if your children never went to daycare. That one - though exciting, really smarts. (Hey, that's a funny pun - they're going to get some smarts, and it smarts!)

Anyway, I can't believe that I am the mother of a teenager, a teen in 4 months, and a preteen girl who hangs with older girls and thinks of herself as a teen already!

I love pictures, but, they are so hard for me. They always have been, even before I had kids. Are you like that? You love your pictures, and they might be what you grab first if you had to get out quick - but, looking at them turns you into an emotional nutcase?

Cuz .... that's me!


Anonymous said...

OK, talking about little Patrick being in school for 8 years even got ME teary!! You're a rat and if you would have just put them in boxes 6 years ago when I first asked, we wouldn't be going through this!! Love ya, tb

Lisa said...

Do you think maybe I can do the box thing now?

Like maybe a refrigerator box - I hear you can get those easy at the rent-a-center places!

Lisa said...

Oh - and love you, too!!! LMM

Anonymous said...

Do you really want to keep Patrick 14? Hell no!!!!! :) tb

Lisa said...

That really is an awfully good point!

*smacks head*

He did get in trouble for something I did yesterday! It was really quite delicious!


Anonymous said...

Lisa, my baby turned 13, and I realized my babies aren't babies anymore. That really slapped me in the face. Who's going to cuddle? Who's going to let me hug and kiss them in public places? Who's going to be my baby? I hear you...i look at pictures and feel those pangs

remember when your babies thought mom was all mom gets attitude.

Lisa said...

Deb - I got the best ever hug from Patrick last night!! One of those where they don't want to let go! I love it when 'that Patrick' comes back out from under the 'I'm-so-cool-and-tough-and-mom's-a-dork' teenage rock!!!


Rare, those moments, but, cherish them - yes, I do!

Cass said...

Oh, LMM. Here's a big hug. I wish I could say it gets easier.

Lisa said...

Aw, thanks Cass!

And that's kind of exactly my point, ya know?

Each milestone seems SO much more painful than the last!!

So thanks for the hug - 'cause I need one feeling what I'm feeling and watching you moms with older kids, anticipating the future! Eeks!

You sure deserved those roses, that's for sure!! I was just aching for you. A.C.H.I.N.G.