Thursday, May 24, 2007

A mom of two high-schoolers

That is what I am now, officially - as of today! Oh my freaking gosh!! How in the holy heck did this happen? It was weird, because, as I sat at Shawn's graduation today, and made myself consciously think that - 'I now have two high-schoolers' - it didn't affect me the way that I thought it would. I think I'm still in shock. And I also think it's definitely weird on my system that they go straight to high school. I mean, I guess even the school district still considers them middle schoolers, but, let me tell you, in a momma's eyes - they get dropped of at the high school every morning! They can 'call' it middle school in the one hallway, but, as a mother - darnit - I just dropped my seventh grader off at high school! Yikes! So it's like I'm in this weird stage of mentally knowing my true emotional reaction to having two high schoolers, but, not quite feeling it yet! It is definitely strange. But let me tell you, I am really not much older than 18. Really! I'm not! I feel like 18 was a couple of months ago. Plus a couple 'o years. (19!) And I am just brand new to this 'grown up' world. And I am not even sure if I can really spread my wings and fly without my parents yet. I'm still a baby, dammit!! And it was just a blink ago, that I had a huge, swollen belly (yeah, I'm fat now, but, you should've seen me pregnant!) and the doctor was getting out his littman stethoscope and listening for a heartbeat. And then I turned around and got a huge swollen belly the very next year, too. And I had these two sweet, precious baby boys. And it was heaven. Pure bliss. I finally had what I'd waited all my life for. Oh crap - now I think I'm starting to feel some of this - why'd you have to get me started talking about this? Aw, man - but, it was just so sweet! Although those were very hard years, raising babies and toddlers could kill a person - they were also glorious years. And then my little girly was born and for years, it was the four of us - the four of us against the world. We were a little team. And it was so much fun. And now - they're all spread out - one kid over here, one kid over there - got plenty of other stuff to do - none of which involves, includes, or necessitates - mom. Ugh. Quick - somebody send over a baby, before I have a total meltdown!

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