Thursday, February 22, 2007

Mom wants me to be a nurse?!

I can understand that I have a very nurturing side to my personality, my spirit, what-have-you, but, and that's a BIG but!

I am the queasiest person ALIVE!!

Shawn got a splinter the other day, and I was really nervous about it, because through 13+ years of parenting, Mark has definitely become the Expert Splinter Handler - and he wasn't home!

I took a deep breath, tried to act like the adult I am purported to be, and took the boy in my bathroom to 'go digging' with my trusty tweezers. And whaddya know? I GOT IT!! And without too much pain/trauma on his part, and with hardly a hair of queasy-weezy on my part.

Wow! Did I feel accomplished!

Only thing is - the very next day, Patrick got a splinter, too! Gah! And again - Mark wasn't home...

So, once again, I sucked it up, and took the child to my bathroom, only to find that his splinter was not in the slightest - sticking out. There was nothing to grab - nothing.

And there was this hole, this crevice, this spot where the evil splinter had entered into the precious layers of my first-born's skin. And that, my friends, is where I had to stick my splinter into, trying desperately to get a hold of that little bugger! Getting queasy yet?

I sure was! We worked on it and worked on it, throughout the course of the evening, with no success. I even sent him to shower in the middle of it all, hoping that would loosen it up - that's what Mark always says, when he's home.

So the next morning, I got him up for school, and it was really hurting him. See - it was on the underside of his finger, right across a knuckle - so it was stuck in a bend - and he couldn't do anything without accidentally hurting it.

So he wanted me to go digging again...my tummy hurts just typing this to ya'll...

I'm such a wimp. But I went and got my tweezers and we tried again - nope. No luck.

He was having trouble getting ready for school - and it was on his right hand, so he wouldn't have been able to write at school, anyway.

So it was time to do the unthinkable - wake up Mark at an unGodly hour. I cringed - and headed into my bedroom...."Mark, we need your help...."

He sent me for his tweezers and his magnifying glass...and he got it out in less than one minute!! See - he really is the Splinter Master!!

But by this time, my stomach was a mess. It was peculiar, because, it reminded me of the time that I burned my hand in the 7th grade, and I was sitting on the exam table at the emergency clinic, and the doc was talking to my mom and I about the suggested course of treatment - and something he said set me off. Mom looked over and I was white as a ghost. (I know, I am white as a ghost - well, I went white as a whiter ghost!) And they made me lie down - oooog, I felt horrible. I don't even remember what he was talking about - but, every time I get that 'medical queasiness' that is what I think of! Heehee

So I am not sure I would make such a great nurse - unless I could just take care of people - which I am very good at - you know, all that TLC and nurturing crap that people need when they are sick - I'm good at that! LOL!

But just keep those damn splinters to yourself! HA!
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